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Struggling to parent a child with ADHD or what I call a “busy brain”?
Here are seven honest lessons I’ve learned that might help you feel a little less alone.
Parenting my eldest son, who is diagnosed with ADHD, is one of the hardest things I've ever done.
It's messy, relentless, and exhausting, yet it's also taught me more about myself, my resilience, and my empathy than anything else in my life.
If you're reading this, chances are you're a dad navigating similar waters.
Maybe you're struggling right now, feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and desperate for some light at the end of the tunnel.
I get it. I’m still in the thick of it too.
Here's some things that I've learned along the way.
Patience has never come naturally to me. I’ve always been someone who likes efficiency, speed, and clear results.
Parenting a child with ADHD taught me quickly that patience isn’t just a virtue, it’s an essential daily survival skill.
Initially, I reacted with frustration and anger, particularly during morning chaos and bedtime battles.
I didn’t understand what was going on around me.
Over time, I realised my impatience made things worse. Rushing my son simply isn’t going to work.
I started practising deep breathing, briefly stepping away, and reminding myself that my son's behaviour wasn’t deliberate helped me build some patience.
Have I nailed it? Absolutely not.
I still get caught up in the what of the battle sometimes.
But now, patience is a muscle I consciously flex daily, and I'm stronger for it.
A busy brain thrives on consistency like fish thrive in water.
I myself have always liked a routine and I feel a bit lost if I don’t have one.
Creating predictable routines around mornings, meals, homework, and bedtime improved things.
It didn't solve all the problems, but routines provided the stability we both desperately needed.
Implementing structure felt a bit unnatural at first, but we quickly saw how much calmer and manageable parts of our days became.
Not always, but sometimes. And sometimes is enough.
If you're hesitant about structure, I get it, but trust me, any slight improvement that it creates is invaluable.
For a long time, I treated self-care as selfish; a luxury I couldn't afford.
This was a massive mistake.
Neglecting your well-being doesn't make you a hero; it leaves you tired, irritable, and ill-equipped to handle the challenges of parenting a busy brain.
Self-care looks different for everyone. For me, it’s exercise; hitting the gym, going for trail runs, hiking, or simply going for a walk down the canal.
Taking this time isn't indulgent, it's necessary.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
Prioritising your needs makes you a better, calmer, and more patient dad.
Nobody gives you a manual for this stuff. You didn’t know what you were signing up for.
You're going to feel lost, inadequate, and guilty at times.
That doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're human.
When you're navigating parenting a child with a busy brain, these feelings are amplified, and it's essential to acknowledge them.
Seeking support is crucial; whether it's professional guidance, connecting with support groups, or simply sharing your experiences with other parents in similar situations.
I've learned that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness; it's a sign of strength and resourcefulness.
Parenting a child with a busy brain is challenging, but it's also filled with moments of genuine magic.
It could be the first calm bedtime, a successful homework session, or a day without meltdowns. These might seem trivial, but they're enormous victories worth celebrating.
Recognising and celebrating these wins is vital and they remind you why you're doing this and keep you motivated through tougher times.
Take mental notes of these moments or document them, share them with your family, and let them fuel your resilience.
Clear communication is a cornerstone of parenting any child, but with a busy brain, it's crucial.
Misunderstandings and frustrations are commonplace, so establishing open, empathetic, and clear communication channels with your child can prevent many issues.
I discovered simple techniques, like giving clear, concise instructions and actively listening, make a huge difference.
Getting down on one knee to their level, and having a calm chat and hug can go a long way to preventing more chaos.
It helps your child feel understood and reduces tension, creating a better environment.
As a parent, you'll quickly learn that becoming informed about ADHD or "busy brain" is critical.
Understanding your child's needs helps you advocate effectively at school, with healthcare providers, and within your community.
I initially felt overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information available and I found myself drowning in information.
Starting with reputable sources and building my knowledge incrementally made the process manageable.
A few genuine resources I found particularly useful (not an ad!):
Empowering yourself with knowledge enables you to be the advocate your child deserves.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you. I hope one of these lessons helps your day feel just 5% easier.
If nothing else, I hope you know this:
You’re not the only dad riding this rollercoaster. You’re not failing. You’re still in it.
Let’s keep showing up. Together.
If any of this resonates, share it with another dad who needs to hear it.
You’re not alone, and you’re still in it, just like me.
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